The Issue with Promoting Arrangement Culture: A Response
(listen here if you aren’t in the mood to read)
{Sienna speaking}
Dear Reader,
After listening to Eric Weinstein’s podcast The Portal episode 39, “Admission to Sugar Baby U” with Seeking Arrangement’s representative Kimberly, I felt the urge to write a response and found Nathalie Lefebvre also had many ideas to add on the topic. We have co-authored the following.
At a glance, some sugar babies consider themselves to be sex workers and some do not; the general public sometimes labels sugar babies as sex worker and sometimes they do not. It’s really confusing.
Over the past seven years, I have had numerous experiences with the Seeking Arrangements platform, creating accounts every 6 to 12 months or so out of interest on all things ‘sex work pulse’ related. Of course, always utilizing the platform as a sugar baby and not as an escort, as Kimberly explained is when a user is “seeking an upgraded relationship based on honesty about expectations”. The site came to my attention in 2013, while escorting in the UK, when a new client hired me to go to lunch. At lunch the client disclosed they had been seeking an arrangement on the platform with no luck, so he decided to hire an independent escort he thought would suit the role of sugar baby, and proposed the idea to me. Naturally, the upgraded relationship we subsequently had could only be rightfully described as a sugar baby arrangement and definitely not as simply an escort with a new client wanting a monthly arrangement. Why did he seek an independent escort? I suppose there is still a misconception that escorts are those hired for one-time encounters and not those sought out repeatedly or regularly. In my experience, it is not uncommon for clients to see the same companion on more than one occasion. In addition, most escorts are typically open to engaging in monthly arrangements if it is with a client they enjoy and they feel their time is being adequately valued.
I’m deeply concerned by the proposed notion that arrangements should not be viewed as a form of sex work. I’m also deeply disturbed by the manner in which sugar baby/daddy culture has been co-opted by companies like Seeking Arrangements, in an effort to further their corporate success at the expense of its vulnerable users and commercial sex workers. Further, I was deeply disappointed when I heard Eric Weinstein chose to label Seeking Arrangements as a company, ‘doing the ethical thing in my opinion’. I have been inadvertently doing research on all of this for a long time and this podcast episode acted as a great catalyst to bring light to the issue with promoting this form of arrangement culture. This piece is going to outline several main concerns. It will also offer an alternate concept to advocate for: the one Nathalie and I believe is indeed the best path forward with this trend.
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Concern 1 - The founder of Seeking Arrangement, Brandon Wade, has firmly stated his view that ‘sugar babying’ is fundamentally acceptable and respectable, directly at the expense of those in commercial sex work; specifically at the expense of the independent prostitute. In an effort to legitimize his business ventures and create an empire, he throws the sex work industry under the bus.
If there is any doubt about whether or not the brand of arrangement culture promoted by Wade is not being validated at the expense of sex workers, I’d urge you to read his 2019 article, “Pretty Woman, The Musical: A Lesson for Sugar Babies” in which he details his view on the matter. Here is a snippet,
In this article, he puts forward the foundational idea that prostitution, or escorting, is an activity that, by definition, does not contain genuine connection. He labels Vivian’s time as a prostitute as her time as a simpleton. By contrast, her choice to become a wholesome sugar baby was a positive and admirable life choice. Conveniently, Wade omits that the movie ends with them entering a conventional romantic relationship based on mutual attraction and admiration with no allowance or compensation to be spoken of. Granted, this is based on the musical rendition and not the Hollywood film. Nonetheless, he must have been watching a different script than me.
Maybe the movie was trying to show that finding connection was what was important to both of them, something a transactional relationship basically cannot buy. The tricky part is inserting tangible gains into this relationship to begin with, the chances of both parties feeling a deep connection and equally valued is the tough part. Wade speaks on the qualitative difference between prostitution and sugar babying as being the unmistakable desire to establish a genuine, lasting connection. However, in Eric’s conversation with Kimberly, Sugar Baby University’s representative, she shared the website’s own statistics which show that these arrangements typically do not result in long term relationships or marriage, nor do they typically operate as exclusive or monogamous to either party. Kimberly also stated the average age of a sugar baby as 24, and the average age of a sugar daddy as 42, nearly a twenty year age disparity on average. One statistic not shared by Kimberly but is easily surmised given the popular, ‘Married but Looking’ category option on SA, is that a large percentage of users are men seeking secretive, extramarital affairs.
Their statistics also show that the majority of female users are engaging in these activities while in post-secondary education, to secure financial aid and improve their socio-economic standing and not purely out of a desire to have a ‘genuine connection’ which adds another very important dimension. Mentorship is glorified as a main differentiating factor separating sugar babying from escorting, Kimberly states that sugar daddies often introduce the babies to their networks and give them business introductions and opportunities. Given the popularity of the “Married but Looking” category, how many of these sugar babies are truly being mentored and given these opportunities when discretion is fundamental to many of these arrangements, essentially keeping these women closeted. Mentorship doesn’t involve being sexually intimate with a mentee, in fact being sexually intimate with a mentee is unethical due to the inherent power dynamic in those relationships. Kimberly states that marriage is not ‘the end goal’ of the platform, and that often once “the sugar baby graduates college they don’t want to be a sugar baby anymore.”
To be fair, the romanticized version of Wade’s idea of an ideal arrangement seems like a positive, mutually beneficial relationship. Our concern lies with the reality of our lived experience and the stories we’ve heard over the years from users of the website. As someone that has used the platform, my experience as a user has been drastically different than what is marketed on their PR campaign.
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Concern 2- Their PR campaign and advertisements expose inexperienced ‘sugar babies’ to exploitation by older wealthy sugar daddies instead of providing an accurate representation of what can transpire on the website. For us, this blurs the boundaries of consent. Not all sugar babies know what they are getting into when they agree to go on a date with a sugar daddy, and this can lead to confusing and messy situations. Also, even if the company has taken new steps here or there over the past couple years it wouldn’t make up for past lack of protection or action potentially dating back to 2006.
{Nathalie speaks}
As escorts, we understand why these women are using the platform, especially since straight up prostitution is illegal. We do not want to remove this option for these women. However, it is crucial to highlight how the current arrangement culture enables exploitation and further marginalizes and stigmatizes the sex work industry. Kimberly says she views sugar babying as ‘a real opportunity to make societal changes...whether it’s just from the sugaring aspect and women’s rights or this empowerment idea’ and she isn’t wrong in our view. Using one’s desirability to their advantage in this capitalist society does offer great benefits.
However, she also states sugar babying is,
“adjacent to commercial sex work, it isn’t sex work…but I do understand the comparison and this is the answer to that, instead of being a commercial sex worker you can come and be a sugar baby and be in a relationship where you actually like somebody and are getting more benefits and it’s not just transactional.”
So here, again, we have the promotion of sugar babying at the expense of sex work. In a roundabout way this narrative is making it more difficult for sugar babies to negotiate arrangements with their sugar daddies in open, honest, and authentic ways, for fear they would be perceived as ‘too transactional.’ This creates an environment where sugar babies need to be coy, or just hope their sugar daddy will be generous, and can create a situation where sugar babies are more easily exploited and ripped off, etc.
Let’s explore this idea in relation to escorting. When a client contacts an escort, he, she, or they must abide by the terms set out by the escort. For example, many independent escorts have websites where they discuss their rates and services, including what they do and do not offer. For example, some escorts offer bareback blowjobs and some only offer covered blowjobs. A client seeking the former will likely not contact an escort only offering the latter. With the boom of the internet and social media, the independent escort, mostly white and middle-class, began to emerge with new and far reaching opportunities. Slowly but surely, the move towards being an independent sex worker began to take place in lieu of being listed in the newspapers, working the streets, or working for an agency. Suddenly white and middle-class sex workers began to pick and choose their clients based on various personal preferences and boundaries with advantages like determining one’s own rates.
As a side note, I think it’s really important to specify white and middle-class here, because it’s important to recognize how marginalization affects a person’s ability to negotiate fees for service. For example, as a conventionally attractive upper-class white woman, it’s easy for me to be picky and build a brand for myself. This may not be the case for an Indigenous single mother, or a BBW sex worker. I’ve noticed a trend: more and more conventionally attractive sex workers are asking for higher rates. Slowly but surely what once could be purchased for a low cost was much less readily available for men seeking companionship. So, how to solve the issue of this unavailability of young, mostly white, desirable women charging too much and having too much power? Insert the creation of a new marketing scheme. After all, sugar babies are respectable women who know how to ‘behave properly’.
{Sienna speaks}
By contrast, in the sugar baby dynamic the sugar daddy has the upper-hand and the sugar baby doesn’t have much bargaining power. In fact, bargaining beyond the randomized standard rate as set by sugar daddies of 300-500 PER MEET in and of itself is frowned upon and seen as too transactional (aka if the baby thinks their time is worth more), the expression, “no professionals’ is often thrown around- further shaming any baby that has the audacity to have any kind of experience sleeping with a daddy for money before. The sugar baby has full control and agency over her choice to involve herself in this endeavour, however she is doing so in a way that enables her to be exploited. Often, enforcing boundaries takes time to learn. I’m in my mid-twenties and still learning! Not unlike the Jeffrey Epstein situation we have all recently become reacquainted with in which he preyed on young, naive women, offered them $300 for a massage, then pressured them into more when in a private space. As the #MeToo movement has illustrated, many women are often pressured into doing things they do not want to do. Men are not taught to listen, and women are not taught to enforce their boundaries. Some men never learn, and for women, it’s a lifelong journey.
Promoting being a sugar baby through arrangement websites is problematic because these companies are fundamentally dishonest by claiming sex isn’t expected by most users. It is entirely true that exchanging finances for intimacy is still illegal in the United States. Cue calling yourself a sugar baby instead of an escort and pretending sex isn’t expected by the daddies, typically male users, of these platforms. The babies, typically women, are reassured it is not expected but ‘why wouldn’t you want to show your appreciation?’ The issue is, when the party seeking tangible benefits understandably asks how they will benefit (most times financially or what is the point, advice doesn’t pay the bills) are often told to ‘trust the process’ and ‘show their devotion’ to the well-off user’s interest. Often being assured they will be ‘taken care of’ in the future, whatever that means. The potential for trauma and predatory abuse is visibly present. Platforms advocating power dynamics such as these inevitably create an enormous trail of traumatized ambitious folk seeking to increase their socio-economic standing through work. When traumatic experiences inevitably happen given the now normative parameters the vulnerable party typically blame themselves for putting themselves in that situation but in reality were coaxed into believing they would justly benefit for their work, within boundaries acceptable to them. If this continues, the new generation of young professionals will be individuals gaslit and violated into oblivion with lower self-esteem due to these encounters founded on giving them no standing to seek justice for abuse.
Sugar Baby University is a campaign made by a business seeking to increase profits.
Eric gave them the title of the ‘heroes in this mess higher learning institutions have created’ and the thought makes me sick to my stomach. It doesn’t make me sick to my stomach because of the negotiations that occur between Sugar Babies and their Daddies, but because of the unaddressed foundational power imbalances skewed towards further rewarding the wealthy party within these relationships, as well as the predatory behaviour the imbalance enables. As mentioned, paying for sex is illegal in the United States, so alternative labels such as these are being created as a way around stigma, discrimination and criminalization. Brandon Wade did not invent the ‘sugar baby’ or ‘sugar daddy’ but has done his best to co-opt the terminology and create a cult-like narrative to gain a following in the hopes of growing an empire. His websites include but aren’t limited to: Seeking Arrangement, MissTravel, WhatsYourPrice, and Carrot Dating, and profit off the ‘sex work adjacent’ industry as they call it.
Eric asked Kimberly to talk a little about the founder and specifically asked if he personally gets along with the “system that’s making him rich?”,
To which, Kimberly replied,
“Umm, no.
Brandon Wade is our CEO and founder and he’s brilliant, he’s an MIT grad and he started this site because he couldn’t get a date. He was just this really kind of nerdy, smart guy and watched men around him use their looks and charm and their muscles to get women and he understood that what he had to offer was his money and his brain and there had to be some sort of market for that and some sort of appeal to some sort of woman who would be interested in him for that. So, he created seeking arrangement so he could more easily find people who are compatible, people who would be interested in him for those reasons and that was how he could flex...He finds it [the state of our system of higher education] really troubling, he disagrees completely and he’ll be the first to say like why, why is the education system this way, why are the loans this way, why are people struggling so much? He’s got kind of a mind of his own when it comes to all different kinds of political issues, but that is definitely one where he just can’t wrap his head around.”
I’ve seen Wade’s personal profile on the website twice. I took the opportunity to take screenshots of it in 2018. The following is an excerpt from Wade’s personal profile in 2018 under the section entitled ‘What I’m Looking For,’
I don’t know about you, but I love the idea of abiding by a checklist in a relationship based on ‘genuine connection’. What if you don’t feel up to it one day? Then what? Enter the, “we agreed to this and you said you’d do it” leaving the girl who has yet to learn how to advocate for herself and enforce her boundaries, being pressured into doing something she doesn’t want to do because she’s financially dependent.
Looking at his profile I can really see his anguish over the state of the higher education system. These lucky SBs also get the bonus of acting as his sexually open, monogamous, PR reps smiling from ear-to-ear in his personal play mansion of sugar babies. What a humanitarian.
Let’s reiterate, there is nothing wrong with polyamory, or sex work. I find the marketing campaign Seeking Arrangement constructed and that Eric officially condoned to be a cause for concern. I don’t doubt that Wade has personally helped a lot of people and been genuinely charitable as wealthy people tend to be. I also believe his romanticized version of a good arrangement does sound like a mutually beneficial set up, I’m saying I do not agree with not calling it prostitution adjacent and promoting it at the expense of people like me. Also, from personal experience, this average user’s experience differs greatly from what the marketing campaign advertises. I don’t know that any benefits of platforms like these existing in their current form is worth the trail of trauma and abuse they leave. I encourage anyone with doubts or curiosity to simply join for a week or so and decide for themselves. I don’t want to remove this option for young women seeking to exchange their desirability for finances, but I cannot stand idle and watch something similar to a predator’s playground be promoted by Eric as the answer to this huge institutional dumpster fire. I believe in you Eric! Change that tune just a little bit.
{Nathalie speaks}
Advocating for these websites and their brand of sex work is in essence aiding these predators in their playground. This dynamic is driven by the demand of wealthy men seeking women from lower socio-economic classes willing to negotiate an intimate relationship for compensation to avoid debt slavery. Wade is actively recruiting ladies with 4k instagram followers or more to be ‘influencers’ and ‘ambassadors’ for Seeking Arrangements as the new, socially acceptable way to work in the ‘sex work’ adjacent industry as he likes to call it to help with college tuition and other expenses.
While I whole heartedly agree that people should have decriminalized access to sex work, both as a provider and client; condoning this under his cult parameters is the kiss of death for independent escorts, who are advocacting for the right to work safely in these endeavours. It also results in anyone getting raped on this site to have nowhere to legally turn and typically end up blaming themselves for incredibly traumatic experiences. Is this really the way we want to start off the lives of our young people entering their professional lives?
So, let me share some of my lived experience with the site….
Back in 2012, I had a duo with a regular client. My client, let’s call him Frank, told me he had been seeing a sugar baby and wanted to have a threesome with her. I told him I would be happy to see them together, but would need to speak to her on the telephone first. My goal was to assess whether we would be compatible, and whether this was something she was comfortable with. In my experience, women are often pressured by men to have threesomes. When her and I spoke on the telephone, she sounded shy and unsure of herself. While it was not the first time she had had sex with a woman, it was the first time in the context of her sugar relationship and she had never spoken to an escort before. I asked for her age, and she said she was 18-years-old. At the time, I was 24. I told her I would need to see her ID when we met if she felt comfortable with that. The appointment itself went well, and I thought Claire was a wonderfully warm, intelligent and passionate young woman with a lot of potential. After our appointment with Frank, I invited her out for coffee. I learned that she had been paid a fraction of what I was paid for the same encounter. It made me furious. I met with her several times afterward, and slowly yet surely convinced her to become an escort instead of pursuing relationships through Seeking Arrangements. For years, she was a successful escort. She eventually retired when she moved to San Francisco for a job in the tech sector.
When there is a power imbalance, from a class angle, I know those foundations can lead to a lot of trauma and abuse later on. From personal experience, I can attest that there is nothing impeding a mutually beneficial experience when the two parties are on a mostly level playing field. The dynamic where the wealthy, typically male, party has most control results in very questionable experience, that typically leads to trauma. For example, on the Toronto Escort Review Board, otherwise known as TERB, men who see escorts started a thread to discuss how to best exploit sugar babies. Hundreds of men participated in this vile thread. They talked about how it’s best to wait until the end of the month before contacting sugar babies, because that’s when they are “desperate for cash” and more willing to provide unsafe services, such as bareback sex. After many escorts complained that this thread perpetuated rape culture, TERB shut it down and TERB banned all talk of arrangement culture on the platform.
LINKS to SB vs SP (and specifically using Seeking Arrangement) on Multiple Review Boards:
1- https://perb.cc/xenforo/threads/sugar-baby-vs-sp.255942/ (Canadian)
2- https://perb.cc/xenforo/threads/sugar-babys-are-the-companions-or-escorts.283578/#post-2096783 (Canadian)
3- http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/archive/index.php/t-30661.html?s=b995495ec9efbe570c8698f0748b17eb (extra vulgar)
4- http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?13330-Seeking-Arrangement-(SA) (extra vulgar)
5- http://www.internationalsexguide.nl/forum/archive/index.php/t-4144.html?s=6cb4edc971ca5ed61f0af1cf65f24f75 (extra vulgar)
6 -https://terb.cc/xenforo/threads/seeking-arrangement-my-advice.664659/ (Canadian)
7-https://terb.cc/xenforo/threads/sugar-baby-without-sex-are-they-serious.584150/#post-5704086 (Canadian)
8- http://www.usasexguide.nl/forum/showthread.php?9746-quot-Sugarbabies-quot-quot-Arrangements-quot-Amateurs-or-Not
There are hundreds, if not thousands more threads out there, just search the web yourselves.
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{Sienna}
What happens when women are raped and feel they cannot report the abuse? Say their Sugar Daddy promised 2k, or rent or whatever for the month, and he promises to give it at the end of the month! After all, she isn’t a ‘professional’, she isn’t degrading herself by being an escort, she doesn’t need it up front like an escort or ‘prostitute’ does. The end of the month comes and the sugar baby has abided by the terms of the Sugar Daddy and has been sexually intimate on several occasions. At the end of the month he says he doesn’t feel they are a good fit and tells her good luck. She has no contract, no nothing. The young woman blames herself. She tries to kill herself. Now what? Can you not see that this is a problematic model for upholding and uplifting the rights of young people?
Personally, I have been raped twice by users of Seeking Arrangements. I have been raped zero times in my civilian life or with clients while escorting. Boundary pushing yes, but the rape has been limited to the kind of person that is using these kinds of platforms to bypass any kind of identity verification and get the best deal out of young, naive women. I felt I had no ground to stand on given the ‘explicitly vague nature’ of arrangement culture and given the stigma associated with all forms of sex work, including being a Sugar Baby. Perpetrators of violence use websites like Seeking Arrangements because they know Sugar Babies will be reluctant to contact the police in the event of an assault. Again, I think arrangement websites are leaving a trail of traumatized victims.
Here are some ladies that wanted to share their experience,
* TESTIMONIALS only available in audio format on the linked podcast episode of this piece read aloud.*
{Nathalie}
There is a lot of talk about sex workers’ rights. As a society, we have an obligation to support sex workers’ rights, which includes the full decriminalization of sex workers, clients, and third parties. Once sex work is decriminalized, sex workers will be better able to advocate for labour rights and fight the human rights abuses that happen within this industry. The argument to support sex workers’ rights has nothing to do with whether we agree that sex work is a legitimate form of work, or a job we would encourage our adult children to engage in. It’s like abortion, as a society we must recognize that regardless of how we feel about sex work or abortion, women are going to have abortions. Therefore, we have a responsibility to make sure they can do it safely, and we have a duty to destigmatize the industry.
Seeking Arrangement operates in the United States, where sex work is blatantly criminalized. Not only is sex work criminalized, but online communication about sex work is also criminalized under the Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA), and the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA) otherwise known as SESTA/FOSTA. These laws are intended to prevent human trafficking, but all they do is push human trafficking further into the shadows whilst marginalizing consensual sex work.
Did you know that the Global Alliance to End Trafficking in Women (GAATW) supports the full decriminalization of sex work in order to protect victims of human trafficking? They are an alliance of over 100 non-governmental organizations in the world. They urge United Nations members states to “consider the potential of decriminalizing sex work and practices around it, as a strategy to reduce the opportunities for exploitative labour practices in the sex sector.”
Laws such as SESTA/FOSTA and any law that criminalizes any aspects of sex work makes it MORE difficult for sex workers to advertise their services, negotiate fees for service online, own and operate their own advertising platforms, and its also made it difficult for sex workers to use third party platforms. The moment there is a hint that someone is exchanging money for sexual services, sex workers are banned from using these online platforms. More importantly though, these laws make it really fucking hard for sex workers and clients to report abuse, including exploitation and human trafficking, when it’s present. Sex workers are the experts of the sex industry, and would be the first to report abuse and exploitation if it were present. All of these things put together undermine the ability of sugar babies to empower themselves, and it also allows websites like SA to operate in a grey-zone of quasi-legal and quasi-criminal activity.
Seeking Arrangement states they are committed to fighting human trafficking and they, “will block and report to law enforcement any individuals they deem are in violation of anti-trafficking laws.” This is exactly what they threatened me with when I joined Seeking Arrangements. I was really upfront with people on the website that I was an escort, so I was banned from SA fairly quickly. Right before being banned, I had used my personal PayPal account to purchase Boosters on SA, which would “Boost” my profile on the website. I asked for a refund via PayPal and instead of providing me with a refund, SA threatened to report me to IC3, which is the Internet Crime Complaint Centre operated by the FBI! I couldn’t believe it! They aren’t interested in genuinely fighting human trafficking - they just don’t want empowered sex workers on their website.
{Sienna speaks}
The notice was given to Nathalie by W8 Tech limited. An article published by the Asia Times in 2018 said,
“Describing itself as an online dating service, a website called SeekingArrangement has been accused of sexualizing and exploiting women on Chinese social media.
In a recent article, Global Times urged Beijing to take immediate action against Seekingarrangement.com, which recently launched its dating app and Chinese website. Global Times criticized the website’s advertising campaign that it said promotes large-scale part-time girlfriends or kept women and urged China to reject the foreign-owned enterprise.
The website registered its business in the Shanghai free trade zone. According to a local media report, SeekingArrangement registered a local company under the names of Wey Kim Long and Wey Ting, the same last name as founder Brendon Wade, a Singaporean-American whose original name is Wey Leed. The parent company of the Shanghai setup was W8 Tech, a company registered in Hong Kong since 2012 and responsible for the app design for SeekingArrangement.
Found in 2006, SeekingArrangement is part of the brainchild of MIT graduate Brandon Wade who also created SeekingMillionaire, MissTravel, WhatsYourPrice? and Carrot Dating.”
https://asiatimes.com/2018/05/can-seekingarrangement-get-china-market/
Sugar babying doesn’t have to be exploitative; it can exist as a form of sex work in its own right as a good option for two parties. For the record, I think sugar babying as a concept was doing just fine on its own before being co-opted and rebranded on websites like Seeking Arrangements: a platform largely invested in disseminating their cult-like belief about the blisses of sugar babying all the while condemning the sex work industry. The danger of taking on and spreading this marketing angle is it omits the negative experiences and high opportunity for trauma and abuse. That is the problem. By condoning this version of sex work and not calling it sex work where intimacy is expected, you’re aiding predators at the expense of young women.
I understand there is no incentive to redistribute power to the typically younger female in this dynamic, as their typically older male counterparts feel they have worked hard in society and deserve to be worshipped. I don’t disagree that they deserve rewards for their commitments and hard work, but I doubt they themselves would enter into arrangements that didn’t guarantee labour rights or compensation for their time. So, why do they expect it of sugar babies? Is there truly a harm in allowing a level of redistribution of power to the sugar baby/sex worker that allows them to have some form of ground to stand on, if an intimate situation goes south or doesn’t hold up their end of the verbal contract?
Brandon Wade is the founder and CEO of Seeking Arrangements. As the CEO, he should be held criminally responsible for what happens on Seeking Arrangements, if it can be proved that he was aware criminal activity was taking place on his website. I don’t mean sending escorts threats for using the platform but more along the lines of visible consequences, or attempt at consequences, for reported abuses and other harmful activity. I have reported accounts several times over the years and not even gotten an email back from customer service and their account has remained active. However, Nathalie got banned within a few days? No corporation or insurance company can protect Brandon Wade from facing civil or criminal penalties in the event of him being aware of what is transpiring at times through his platform. In fact, he is actively recruiting young women on Instagram (influencers with over 4k followers); it’s disgusting given the vast plethora of experiences that differ from his mission statement.
The information is equivalent to cash? No. LOL. Wasn’t there a study done that once people aren’t worried about having to pay all their bills immediately then they are free to expend mental energy elsewhere and can make better progress. How are these women supposed to be making better progress if their immediate necessity is to avoid financial ruin? How will this information be equal to cash in this specific situation? Do you really think it’s being valued as such by a majority of the users? These guys don’t want to be working while they are trying to relax. This hypothetical situation is not the average sugar baby’s experience. Want to find out for yourself? Make an account, it’s free for females, and take a look at the messages you receive in a week.
Decide for yourself.
Eric said that generally it’s a bad idea to give destitute people cash as to ensure it won’t be spent on drugs or frivolous items, instead giving a gift-card for textbooks or paying someone’s rent directly is safer.
Isn’t it obvious that operating like that creates a severe level of co-dependence by having another person dictate where you spend your money and what you have to do in exchange for it? I feel that as adults, these women should be free to spend their finances as they please and if they don’t use it appropriately to sustain themselves, pick a different sugar baby. If you’re given compensation in the form of ‘good advice’ and a $100 UberEats gift card for a 6 hour evening date with an expected sleepover in lieu of $300 you could use for various other personal costs- that should be your personal choice and there should be a guarantee.
I’d like to conclude by reiterating that the sugar daddy/baby culture that existed, before it was co-opted by these brands, worked out well for a lot of people. Not all sugar arrangements are bad, be very wary of the users on these platforms is what we’re saying. Most sugar daddies on these platforms are seeking the most naive, cheap babies to sleep with them at a bargain price and rely on them not knowing any better.
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Have you had a good or bad experience seeking arrangements online? Now is your chance to speak up.
What has your experience been?
Share your experience of arrangement culture or platforms on Twitter using #SugarStories
If you’d like to share your experience of using arrangement websites or experiencing arrangement culture, feel free to email the show at [email protected]
If you want to share your story on the podcast, I would be happy to dedicate more episodes to purely airing testimonials to get your story heard by the community.